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|Is this what you want? IS IT?|
The educational establishment was up in arms today after claims that Britain was, far from being a reasonably tolerant liberal democracy with a half-decent history of inclusion, liberty and human rights, was actually a pocket universe where Pol Pot, Mao and Stalin all rubbed shoulders in a dismal, hopeless rule of despair and bondage.
|‘I trust they have all read Charlie and Lola?’|
‘This is like something out of 1984. Which is a jolly good book, incidentally. Have you read it? You must,’ he said, before lighting a match.
|‘Mehr Beatrix Potter! Mehr!’|
Advocates in the governent have been shamed into admitting that they do, indeed, ‘require some Shakespeare to be taught.’ But despite allegations that this was abuse, they were unrepentant. ‘Curse you, Reading Group 6,’ they said. ‘You have uncovered our secret plot to make sure that kids have access to a reasonable degreeof their cultural heritage. We shall return!’ he said, before vanishing in a plume of Disney sulphur.
Michael Rosen, author of Let’s Go On A Bear Hunt and apparently, some kind of authority figure on education and political philosophy, warned of further child abuse, pointing out that there might be plans to suggest a reading list at Primary School as well as at a Secondary level. ‘This is totalitarian,’ he said.
We spoke to Adelmo Hernandez, a survivor of the repressive purges of the Pinochet government in Chile, where he experienced censorship, imprisonment without trial, regular beatings for expressing political opinions, and was banned from joining a trade union. ‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘It’s just like that. Thank God middle-class people with their heads up their arses have noticed this before it’s too late and children grow up brainwashed by The Gruffalo and The Hungry Caterpillar. You don’t know how close you came to Fascism, you lucky b*stards.”
|Oh, he’ll get a surprise- a JACKBOOT!|
‘Except perhaps in prisons,’ he added, hastily.
‘Next thing you’ll be saying that we have the right to tell them not to bring knives in. Fascist.’
Enid Blyton is 33.